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abilouiseI haven't written anything here for a while. But there are a lot of things I haven't done for a while. Been in this weird holding pattern, I think partially due to the fact that it's suddenly so hot out and I just can't imagine that it will be like this for the next two months. "It must just be a heat-wave," I tell myself,"I can surely wait it out."
But this is denial and problematic. I'm blowing through all my "it's fuckin hot out" clothes much too early this year. I shouldn't be staggering around the house in this dress that is practically a muumuu ala Mrs. Roper until August or something. Also, I picked an inopportune time to grow out my thick dark hair. I may shave it off yet.
My life is full of little details, little appointments, with very little in the way of things that take up big chunks of time. This is also why I make less money than the rest of you. But it's being tiring right now. Go here, go there, make sure you deal with your certification and bring a photocopy of your liability insurance when you go to this other place. It's discouraging that the person who has the practice that I want has been practicing massage FOR AS LONG AS I HAVE BEEN ALIVE.
I know most people have it worse than me, work-wise, but on days like this, I want an air-conditioned office that I can go to, put in a full day's work, and get paid a living wage, even if it's boring or sucks a little. No working weekends, two-hour shifts, dashing to my office in Central for an appointment here, an appointment there. Oh. I also want all my clothes to be in the same room so that getting dressed is easier in the morning. And I want to get rid of a buncha clothes that I don't like/am tired of/may never have actually worn.
I spend a lot of my time wandering around, both physically and intellectually. This is an advantage at parties sometimes, but mostly makes me feel stressed out in spite of having accomplished nothing, and intellectually isolated because I don't know anyone else who can/wants to talk about Irma Rombauer Becker's relationship with her mother or the potential dangers of single-layer suturing in C-sections.
An example of being stressed out and yet accomplishing nothing: Today I went on a field trip to Building 19 in Lynn, because it is geographically closest to me, and was planning to look around in general and was mostly looking for 100% cotton pillowcases that aren't flannel, and a few things on the household kitchen wish-list. I systematically wandered through the whole place and found nothing that I wanted enough to plunk down money on. Then I realized that I'd left my wallet in the car anyway. I spent all day looking at discount crap and achieved nothing other than the observation that I have never seen a full-price golf coffeetable book and that during my visit to Lynn, I did NOT, in fact, get out the way I went in.
Good things in my life, to put some positive content in this entry:
I am on call for a birth and that is exciting, HOLY CRAP AS I WAS TYPING THAT SHE CALLED IN LABOR though I worry that I will get the call sometime when I've had three hours of sleep and stink to high heaven and am very inconveniently located. I also worry that I will fuck something up, but that is a different story entirely and I don't take that worry as seriously. (FWIW, I DO stink to high heaven, but I have time to take a shower and stuff.) Which means taking a shower now and ending this whiny-ass entry. So long, suckers!
But this is denial and problematic. I'm blowing through all my "it's fuckin hot out" clothes much too early this year. I shouldn't be staggering around the house in this dress that is practically a muumuu ala Mrs. Roper until August or something. Also, I picked an inopportune time to grow out my thick dark hair. I may shave it off yet.
My life is full of little details, little appointments, with very little in the way of things that take up big chunks of time. This is also why I make less money than the rest of you. But it's being tiring right now. Go here, go there, make sure you deal with your certification and bring a photocopy of your liability insurance when you go to this other place. It's discouraging that the person who has the practice that I want has been practicing massage FOR AS LONG AS I HAVE BEEN ALIVE.
I know most people have it worse than me, work-wise, but on days like this, I want an air-conditioned office that I can go to, put in a full day's work, and get paid a living wage, even if it's boring or sucks a little. No working weekends, two-hour shifts, dashing to my office in Central for an appointment here, an appointment there. Oh. I also want all my clothes to be in the same room so that getting dressed is easier in the morning. And I want to get rid of a buncha clothes that I don't like/am tired of/may never have actually worn.
I spend a lot of my time wandering around, both physically and intellectually. This is an advantage at parties sometimes, but mostly makes me feel stressed out in spite of having accomplished nothing, and intellectually isolated because I don't know anyone else who can/wants to talk about Irma Rombauer Becker's relationship with her mother or the potential dangers of single-layer suturing in C-sections.
An example of being stressed out and yet accomplishing nothing: Today I went on a field trip to Building 19 in Lynn, because it is geographically closest to me, and was planning to look around in general and was mostly looking for 100% cotton pillowcases that aren't flannel, and a few things on the household kitchen wish-list. I systematically wandered through the whole place and found nothing that I wanted enough to plunk down money on. Then I realized that I'd left my wallet in the car anyway. I spent all day looking at discount crap and achieved nothing other than the observation that I have never seen a full-price golf coffeetable book and that during my visit to Lynn, I did NOT, in fact, get out the way I went in.
Good things in my life, to put some positive content in this entry:
I am on call for a birth and that is exciting, HOLY CRAP AS I WAS TYPING THAT SHE CALLED IN LABOR though I worry that I will get the call sometime when I've had three hours of sleep and stink to high heaven and am very inconveniently located. I also worry that I will fuck something up, but that is a different story entirely and I don't take that worry as seriously. (FWIW, I DO stink to high heaven, but I have time to take a shower and stuff.) Which means taking a shower now and ending this whiny-ass entry. So long, suckers!
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Date: 16 Jun 2005 19:44 (UTC)